In Soviet Russia, Seekers Hide from You!
by Remote-Controlled Button
Summary: The baltic three must hide for their lives in sick and twisted version of "hide and go seek" with Russia.


No matter how fast they ran, they could still feel him gaining on them. No matter how far away they got, they could hear his insane laughing, calling after them. There was nothing worse than knowing your death was only a few foot steps behind you.

Lithuania about threw himself to the wall in a vain attempted to hide. His breathing was shallow and his heart beating a mile a minute. He closed his eyes in a moment's rest and tried to remember where it all went wrong…

The morning had started up simply enough in the house of the Soviet Union. Estonia was somewhere successfully hiding from their boss, Lithuania getting himself a drink, and Latvia, the poor basted, was getting picked on by Russia who gleefully poked him in the head.

"I'm bored, da," Russia announced, giving the trembling youth and extra hard poke in the head.

Latvia winced. "You seem pretty entertained now," he muttered.

"What did you say?" Russia asked smiling.

"I-I said, m-maybe you s-should play a game, or something."

Russia placed his elbow on Latvia's head and rested his chin on his fist, driving his elbow into the boy's head, making him cry out. Latvia whimpered as the bigger man pondered over the suggestion.

"Hmm…I know!" He cried cheerfully,"what about Hide-and-go-seek?"

Latvia shuddered. "Hide and seek?"

"Da. You hide and I seek."

Tears started to fill his eyes. That was a terrible idea! There was no way he could survive this game by his self. Without thinking he blurted out, "Estonia and Lithuania too?"

Lithuania spewed his coffee in the next room over and Estonia screamed somewhere from his hiding place." Not a bad idea, da!"

"But," Lithuania said, mopping up the coffee form his face," isn't that game kinda childish. I mean, I doubt you would really enjoy it." He forced a smile as he entered the room. Latvia's eyes read 'sorry' and 'help me'.

"Nonsense," Russia assured, standing up and walking over to the other country," it will be fun. I use to play it all the time with my sisters." Latvia quickly stood up and rushed to hide behind the eldest Baltic. Lithuania had the deer-in the-headlights- look as he desperately searched for a way out. There was no way he was going to die in a game of hide and seek.

"Now, go get Estonia and then we'll start the game, da."

So against all of their wills, the three Baltic countries stood in a single file line, facing Russia as he explained the rules of the horribly twisted version of Hide-and-Seek. Each of the 'victims' where handed a green military helmet, which was never a good sign. Each one was trembling like they were going to collapse. Estonia managed to glare at Latvia who looked like he was going to break out in tears.

"Now," Russia started," I will give you all a twenty second head start, then, no mercy!" He cackled and pulled out his faucet pipe from his inside coat pocket. He waved it in front of their faces, almost making Latvia faint, but Estonia quickly caught him and helped him back to his feet.

Russia laughed to himself and then turned around, closed his eyes, and began counting. "Adeen, dva, tri…"

The three set off like a bullets out of a gun in opposite directions, Latvia screaming as he ran. Russia laughed and continued counting.

And so, that is how Lithuania ended up pressed up against a cold brick wall, with the icy wind blowing in his face, and making his eyes water. He could hear Russia calling for them in the distance, clanking his pipe on random objects. "Lithonia! Estonia! Latvia! Come out, come out where ever you are, da!"

It suddenly got quiet. He heard nothing, which scared the hell out of Lithuania. He also had the strangest feeling someone was next to him…

He spun around and about screamed his lungs out, but quickly caught himself. "L-Latvia?" The smaller country sat next to him, eyes closed and unaware of his presence. His eyes shot open and, unlike the country next to him, he was unable to control his surprise and let out a scream that shatter the choking silence.

Lithuania about shoved his hand down his comrade's throat, but the damage was done. "Ha! I hear you!" Russia cried out, pleased. And then the sound of rushing boots in the snow came barreling their way.

Thinking quickly, Lithuania grabbed Latvia's hand, and made a run for the next shelter, a shrub big enough to hide two fleeing countries. As they ran, they could hear the horrible laughter of the blood-hungry monster not too far away, but still somehow invisible.

At the last minute, the two dived into the bush and landed on top of someone. "Hey! Owe! What the heck?!"

"Estonia?" Whispered Lithuania.

"Of course it's me!" The anger country whispered loudly. "Now get out of here! I was here first and that kid is trouble," he said pointing to Latvia who started crying.

"No! Please! I don't want to die! I'm still a virgin!"

"So am I. Now get out."

The two looked like they were getting ready to bicker, which wasn't a good idea when you where trying to hide from a phsycopath in a bush. "Guys! Shut the fuck up!'

The two stopped talking at once and stared at the eldest Baltic. "Now," he continued," if we want to get out of here alive, we're going to have to work together, understand?"

The two nodded.

"Now the first thing we need to do is be quiet and to find a better hiding place. On the count of three, we'll make a run for it and head back to the house. That is the only safe zone in the whole game. If we get there, we won't be reduced to three, trembling, bloody pulps! Ready? One, two, and three!"

As one, the Trembling Trio leapt out of the bush and into the waiting hands of Russia. The man laughed and muttered something to himself in Russian. The three gasped and stared up into his, dark, almost black, purple eyes. Latvia promptly fainted and landed in the snow.

"There you are!" Russia sang. "I've been looking for you! Now, time to become one with Mother Russia!" And he raised his pipe above his head. Lithuania saw his sad and pathetic life flash before his eyes. He could hear Estonia tremble next to him in fear. He turned towards him.

"If I don't make it, tell Latvia that I loved him."

"What?!" Asked Lithuania. BONK!

America causally walked down the hall like he wasn't late for the submit and ravenously tore into a hamburger, all the while humming "Hamburger Street."

He pushed the double doors open and reviled a full conference room full of bickering, chatting, and (a couple) napping countries as they waited for the meeting to begin. Two countries chased each other around the room, Sealand and Denmark, cut in between China and Korea who were having a heated discussion about the ownership of Japan's breasts, and knocked the sleeping Ramono out of his chair. He called after them with curses and fell back asleep where he lay. The whole time, Denmark yelled at the trouble maker to give his hat back.

"America!" England yelled over the noise. He pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headed ach was coming on."You know you are almost 15 minutes late right? What the heck is wrong with?"

America shoved the empty hamburger wrapper into England's hands who looked at the paper like it carried some kind of disease and tossed it into the unexspecitng face of Canada. "Cool your jets, grandpa. I was just getting something to eat. A hero can never go hungry."

England did a facepalm. "Just sit down so I can call order!"

America silently mimicked England and sat down next to Russia, the only empty seat available. The young man leaned back his chair and kicked up his feet onto the table, making Austria and Germany scowl at him. Italy called out for pasta.

"Morning America," Russia greeted.

"Morin'!" He replied cheerfully and turning to face his fellow Allie. "Uh," he said as he looked down the table," what happened to those three?"

Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia, sat on the other side of Russia, each with a matching black eye and head bandage. All three shook so hard that America thought they might fall apart or at least shake their brains out of their heads.

"Just a little game of 'hide-and-go-seek."

"…I don't even want to know what that means."


End file.
